SharonsVictory

Thanks for reading….

So, I’ve been going strong for two months now and the scale isn’t budging - what is going on!?

I’m doing the same exercise that I did years ago to lose weight but I’m NOW doing thirty extra minutes of cardio on another machine as well….doing an hour now (last time I only did thirty minutes and then weights for about thirty). According to the machines I’m burning over 800 calories…and when I’m done working out I’m drenched in sweat! So why is the scale not moving? I also initially lost inches but now I’m not even losing that anymore….everything is staying the same! Could my body have gotten used to this workout from years ago? Is it possible to have a plataea in the very beginning???

The only difference is that I’m not lifting weights…could that make such a huge difference? I’m already using two different machines and there are only easier ones left for me to use to shake up my routine (stationary bike or some weird ones in the back of the gym that basically have the same movement as the two machines I’m already using) or running and running hurts my knees….any advice? I’m going to try running today because I’ll do ANYTHING to lose this weight…but if I don’t get results soon I don’t know what I’m going to do…I was up crying last night (I know I’m a big sissy,lol) because I feel like I’m destined to be fat! Who eats 1500 calories and works out 5-6 days a week for an hour and doesn’t lose after two months?

The only thing I can think of is add weights, try running as much as I can, and cut my calories to 1200….

Need advice and/or encouragement! Thank-you

I think a lot of people that are over weight are because of something wrong inside…things inside that we haven’t dealt with. Being over weight is physical but I believe whole heartedly that it’s a result of a deeper issue.

Before, when I’ve been running on the treadmill, I have felt emotions hit me HARD - my face flush and the tears coming to my eyes because I have felt so low for so long because of abuse in my past…feeling the strength of my legs underneath me, running faster and longer than I ever have before, feeling the rush of pride and joy - realizing I’m coming out of my shell of protection, taking such a HUGE step to tell myself and the world that I’m capable of being great and that I BELIEVE IN MYSELF and realizing it doesn’t matter what people say or have said to me, or what they currently think of me - I AM strong,I AM worth something, I CAN do this!

During this journey to be healthy physically I hope/pray that all of us will become healthy mentally as well as physically…

Well, it’s February 7 and I’m still working out and watching what I’ve been eating. I’ve only been doing 30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week…but it’s pretty intense, I do 3.35 miles in 30 minutes on the elliptical. Also been watching what I’ve been eating…no more sweets, no more gluttonous emotional gorging late at night (I know that sounds terrible but that’s what it IS!). But so far the scale has barely budged! I think i’ve lost 2 pounds? It’s horrible! I’m trying to keep my chin up. A couple times I’ve had some harsh hits that have nearly knocked me out of this effort AGAIN but I’m not letting them!!! Yesterday I saw some horrible pictures of myself…more rolls than a donut factory…

I don’t know if this link will work but here is the picture that absolutely repulsed me. I know that it is just a bad picture BUT my stomach has never looked that fat. I have to do something about this weight ASAP.

http://www.meetup.com/Central-Valley-Activities-Club/photos/?photoId=12957152&photoAlbumId=819896#12957156

Also! I have some motivation to do this soon because I’ve been asked to be my best friend’s maid of honor in May! I don’t know how much I can lose by then but I’m going to try my hardest

It’s day three of watching what I eat and going to the gym….I’ve seen too many pictures and had too many hurts because of this weight. I feel myself beginning to watch others live and I feel like I’m no longer participating because of all of this weight. I’m only twenty-six and I want to live my life to the fullest!!!!!

Missed you guys - sorry I’ve been gone so long. I hope everyone is doing good. Feel free to share any updates under this blog posting so I can catch up!

I haven’t been coming on here for a few weeks…been maintaining my weight loss (not losing more, just staying the same) but I have a feeling that wont last for long. I find myself depressed…got back with my ex boyfriend who I know doesn’t care one bit about me…just do it out of loneliness. I feel frustrated with myself and disappointed in me - for not being stronger. I look around and a few girls I know are getting married…but a few feels like a lot…one of them is my baby sister. I started wondering what’s wrong with me? I’ve never even been in love….not even close. Feel like something’s wrong.

I noticed that I have to want to lose weight…I wont continue going to the gym if I don’t want to lose weight with all of my heart. I have to have a passion for it and a faith that it will happen. Lately I’ve just been content hiding in this body…almost enjoying being invisible to men…I feel so many things towards men…tiny/slight bitterness for them not ever caring for me, confusion and not understanding what they want, and yet I still feel a desire for one of my own…I was watching the “Time Traveler’s Wife” and there are so many scenes where they are holding eachother and just looking at one another - completely in love…and then I realize that I’ve never had that joy and I want to experience it so bad…to hold someone and have them hold me and feel complete trust and love. I want to lose weight so that someone will notice me and love me…but at the same time it hurts so much that I’m not good enough right now.

I decided I’m going to get my weight loss journal out again next week and start fresh - I think I got lost in emotion and depression and I need this, I need a fresh start.

So I’ve been cooking up a storm lately…healthy things. Making my healthy eating SO fun and interesting. I’ve been losing more pounds and it’s amazing how fast I’m losing right now. I’m very excited and I hope this continues. The last two nights I had GREAT dinners! I made homemade pizza on whole wheat dough with pesto, feta cheese, sundried tomatoes, and fresh basil and then a vegetarian one that I made my own sauce for! I was proud that I made my own sauce because I looked at the sugar and salt content of all the premade ones and winced…turned right around and grabbed the tomato paste & tomato sauce (I thought I remembered my mom making it like that) and added a bunch of other things that I already had at my house and it turned out delicious! I took pictures if anyone wants to add me on Facebook (SharonRJohnson@Hotmail.com). Then, the night after, I made artichokes with garlic aioli dipping sauce (just add tons of garlic powder to light mayonnaise & fresh ground pepper and it’s to die for!) with a huge salad with feta cheese, sundried tomatoes, diced red onions and fresh mushrooms with balsamic vinaigrette…didn’t even realize it was vegetarian until after I ate it all! I also made fresh garlic bread for everyone else (none for me). I’ve been noticing a funny thing happening…I keep buying all these bad things for other people,lol…and yesterday I brought a brownie for my coworker to eat…lol….I’m so weird. I’ve found that I give other people the things I wish I could be eating and it makes me VERY happy! But I should stop cause it isn’t good for them either…maybe just the skinny people? hehe…

Today at the gym I actually faced myself in the mirror and thought, “not too shabby girl!” my body looks SO much better I can’t believe it! I’ve lost 2 inches in my thighs and they feel like rocks in the back! I am very proud of myself! I can’t wait to see myself at my skinny sister’s weight (she’s close to 160 and wears a size 5 - at 5′3″).

Love you guys!

 Warning - Rated R (if you’re easily offended don’t keep reading thanks!)

Good morning all…Thanks for reading

So, I had an interesting weekend - and not in a good way. It was mostly bad eating, fight with my aunt (my room mate), one of my best friends just found out he lost his job, and an evening in a casino I hated - breathing in cigarette smoke and trying to hide in a corner to read a book because I’d never gamble. I still managed to lose a pound but it was a miracle because I ate bad this weekend…still wasn’t as bad as I used to eat on a daily basis though! So maybe that’s why I still lost a pound…

Anyway, as stated in my previous blogs…I have low self esteem and I’m trying to change. I was upset from fighting with my room mate and thought I might have to find another place to live…my ex ended up telling me to come over for comfort and I’ve been fighting with him for months about coming over (I know it’s a bad idea and he just keeps begging) …I was at a moment of weakness and gave in.

He drank lots before we went to a poker party, even pulled over in to a gas station on the way to the party because he had a cop behind him…that’s when I realized he had been drinking a lot and shouldn’t have been driving. He then proceeded to drink lots more at the party. I felt embarrassed by his behavior at the party and embarrassed to be with him…I finally woke-up and thought to myself, “I’m too good for this man - what am I doing here with him?”

It might be a bit personal, but, I want to get it off of my chest…he did try to force me to do sexual stuff with him and like usual, I gave in even though I didn’t want to. After telling him no about 5+ times and gently pushing him away (and I really meant no!) I just gave in =(. This was symbolic of everything I do to myself…Why do I let people treat me like this? Why do I over eat and abuse my body? I need to wake-up and start expecting more for myself. I remember this weekend with him and my heart hurts and I fight crying because I’m so ashamed of myself. I don’t ever want to go to his house again, and I hope I’ll be strong and never go again.

Back to my weight loss goals…I need to learn how to be stronger on the weekends. During the week days it’s very easy for me to be strong, I think it’s because it’s so structured and I don’t have too much free time on my hands to think about food. I also need to make sure my kitchen is stocked with healthy choices so I don’t go buy fast food because there’s no food in the house. My room mate is home a lot and she eats everything in the house…even confesses she eats because she’s bored….she’ll empty the fridge on a day she doesn’t get a job (she’s a sub) so it’s hard to buy supplies. I think I’m going to have to just put my foot down and start writing my name on things and explain to her that I have to have these items because it’s for my weight loss goals…even though I hate doing that.

Back to the main issue…if anyone has any advice on how to get some self-esteem I’d love to hear it.

Thanks guys.

OK so I’m up to an inch lost in both thighs. An inch in my waist and a 1/2 in my hips…I have lost 5 pounds according to my new scale. I was afraid it was just water or something but it’s been off for a few days now so I’m thinking it’s real.

Ever since I started my journal I’ve been highly successful! Last night I ate 1,290 calories AND I went swimming for an hour in addition to my morning workout. I feel great, my clothes are fitting better - I have more energy throughout the day, feel happier, don’t feel bloated anymore. This is great! When I look in the mirror at the gym I still see my tummy (that is a fairly new development - my stomach is always the last place I gain weight) is still there =(…but today I felt this excitement…I can SEE that I’m doing awesome in my journal and there’s no way this weight wont budge. I can’t wait until I don’t have to tug on my skirts anymore and pull my shirts down…when I can just be comfortable and confident. It’s going to be soon :). Last night, just for fun…I was writing out how long it’d take me to lose all this weight. I figured if I lost 3 pounds a week I could get almost all of it off in 7 months. I know you’re supposed to lost 1-2 pounds a week but I figure one extra pound isn’t sooo terrible - is it? Because 7 months sounds so much better than a year! It feels real guys I’m so so happy and proud of myself and I wanted to thank-you guys because you’re all my encouragers that helped me to get this started THANK-YOU!! OOO

Hi everybody!

Well - it’s 2:44 and I’ve had a highly successful day. My calorie/exercise  log is REALLY helping! After looking at my day yesterday I’ve really watched it today. I ate well today and am still matching my caloric goals! So far I’ve only had 700 calories today. 2 eggs for breakfast, 1 piece of whole wheat toast.

Lunch was a large bowl of seasonal mixed greens…a choice I’m especially proud of because I used to eat romaine or iceberg lettuce but after learning about how empty they were nutrient wise - I switched to seasonal mixed greens or fresh spinach. I ate 4 ounces of grilled chicken with it and used a tip someone off of this site gave me and dipped my fork in the dressing every time I took a bite instead of just pouring it on…Making my dressing intake VERY small! YAY! I’m super excited. Now I feel like all my hard work at the gym is finally going to pay off.

I also joined a group from this site called the Elements. I think this extra accountability will really help. Plus it gives me a group of people I can address every morning and tell them how I’m doing instead of having to feel like I have to have something important enough to write a blog for…

I did 30 minutes of cardio today on level 7-10 intensity and am surprised how strong my body is getting! Level 10 used to be very hard for me and now it’s nearly nothing! I did my upper body weights today and my arms were soooo sore but I survived (I’m not very strong in my upper body).

I was struggling with depression last night because I went and bought a scale and it’s saying I weigh 10 pounds more than I thought I did…but it makes no sense because when I look back in my weight loss journal I have the exact same measurements inch wise that I had when I weighed 238. I don’t get it. I was tempted to just adjust my weight and always say I weighed 10 pounds lighter than the scale said whenever I posted it on here but I decided against it….seemed too silly and prideful - either way I still need to lose a lot! lol. Last night when I was measuring myself to submit my starting inches to my new Elements group I discovered I’ve lost an inch in both thighs! I’m super excited! My thighs feel much more firm and all the lumps are not as deep and 70% of them have disappeared!  I can’t wait until my back fat goes away!!!! That is what grosses me out the most…when I have fat where I’m not supposed to! lol.

Also, on a personal note…I decided I’ll write more about my personal life because I like reading about others personal lives when they post on here! lol (and thanks for sharing ladies). I have an ex boyfriend who is much too old for me (39) who is an alcoholic and never treated me right…and for the entirety of our relationship I was driving his butt around because he had a DUI. Anyway, this type of relationship is in the past for me!!! The reason I put up with this, well, excuse me, CRAP - is because I have such low self esteem and tend to just give any ol’ man that shows interest a chance! Even if I knew in my heart he was a compete loser. I know sometimes women still have good self esteem when they’re larger but not me…I’m hoping it will go away when I’m fit. Hopefully. Anyway, he writes me emails on a regular basis telling me about his new girlfriend…how she’s so fit and used to be heavy but lost all her weight and how happy he is…and how he is introducing her to his whole family (after only a week of knowing her) and it hurts because he never introduced me to any of them and we dated for 6 months…:sigh: Anyway, this is what’s on my mind…I know this blog is MUCH too long,lol…

Point is - I feel GREAT and I’m really looking forward to the new me!

So my old friend Michael (who is on this site and has lost over 100 pounds) asked me where my food journal was! The one I wrote about in previous blogs that helped me so much…Well, truth is, I didn’t know where I had put it and hadn’t bothered to look for it. But Michael helped me ’cause I’d already been thinking I needed to USE it! Last time I lost weight it worked SO well for me…it helps me to not kid myself about how good I’m eating. Well, I actually stopped and looked for it last night - took a grand total of 5 minutes lol

I can already see that sometimes I may not do as good as I believe…I can guess I’ve eaten 620 for breakfast. 1 Large whole grain bagel (I’ll guess that’s 400)…half of the cream cheese they gave me…they only have regular and I’d say it’s 3 TBS I ate - So I’ll say 150 calories for that and 1/2 cup 2% milk at 70 calories.

I am excited because it’s making me conciously think of how many calories I’m actually eating instead of kidding myself. Now, I don’t typically eat breakfast at work, so my breakfasts are usually a lot better than that…just so happens I ran out of cereal and didn’t have time to cook eggs this morning (woke up too late) but even today I can do good….I’ll cut my lunch down to half portions and make sure I have a great dinner and write down every calorie - I have a good feeling about this